In the eye of the [flush] storm

As I sit here managing more hot flushes in a day than I can count, taking debloat tablets to settle a post lunch grumbly stomach and wondering why my once slightly roomy work pants are now somewhat constricted round my waist, I can’t help but think, is this the part of life where I am meant to feel liberated and comfortable in my body?

I have written about the ‘pause’ intermittently as frankly, the conversation bores me, and I don’t want to find myself in a corner where I am only destined for this topic of conversation (even though sadly I seem to find myself in this place often) but this is on-topic for this part of my life and no matter how much I try and bury my head in the sand, its sadly not ending anytime soon.

The menopause experience affects every woman differently with 20 per cent of women having symptoms which are troublesome. By troublesome, do they mean symptoms that are somewhat debilitating such as hot flushes? Or worse. Let’s explore this further.

Hot flushes or Flush Storms

One of the many hundreds of symptoms and for me I had a wave of them around 3 years ago for around 6 months and thought waking up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat was the worse of it and behind me but no, the body has something else instore. Day time hot sweats that last anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 minutes.

I feel the heat rising from my gut, in my hands, down my back, the back of my neck, my forehead generally anywhere there is skin or internal mass.  The need to strip down to my naked self is rapid and panicked although I must be mindful that when these flushes hit, I am most the time in a public place.  I raise my skirt or pants and then wave frantically my hands around my face to generate some cool air – maybe I should be investing in a fan? Then instead of fighting it, I recognise it is moving through the body, I say hello and wait patiently for the flush storm to dissipate.

I’ve given up trying to figure out a pattern of when these flush storms might hit. Is it when…

• I become anxious or uncomfortable in my surroundings
• I say something to someone that I then ruminate on
• I eat something spicy or temperature hot
• My clothes aren’t breathable enough
• The temperature outside goes above 16 degrees
• The pool water is not cold enough
• I should be wearing a sleeveless top not a t-shirt
• I walk too fast (or too slow)
• I am thirsty
• The cat is sleeping too close to me
• My husband hugs me at night (or even touches in some way)
• I wake in the middle of the night and the mind starts running through the ‘to do’ list

You see, there doesn’t seem to be a pattern, nor does there seem to be an end. I know everything has an end, but when that is, is yet to be experienced.

I am a patient and accepting person but even these up to 3-minute hot flush washing wonders are wearing me down. Coming home earlier this week I said to my husband (because one should never worry alone) “I don’t want to go on about it, but these hot flushes are starting to really fuck me off”. His reply “Oh I understand, actually I don’t but I can understand how frustrating it could be”.

And there it is, until you are in you have no idea what it is like to go through this time of life. Being human is complicated. Being a woman is equally as complicated. And going through the ‘pause’ is a fucking mind field of unknowns, frustrations and questions. Most of which can’t be answered because well, humans are complicated.

I feel ‘lucky’ to be experiencing this phase of life, this is something I need to remind myself of. It’s the glass half full mentality.

PLANTED LIFE COACHING

If you need support and guidance to help navigate your running journey, coaching spots are now available. Email me to learn how my coaching services can enhance your running and working it in with the ‘pause’.